Tuesday, October 19, 2010
Just need a place to put it out there
Maximus has been gone for 13 days. 13 days worth of thoughts and questions need to come out.
I have tried my best not to Google but when I did, I think my theory has some weight. Given Maximus' serious uptake of ingesting non-food items in this past calendar year I have to wonder/think his brain lesions had something to do with this. There is research out there supporting this. And a part of me wonders that if we had thought of this sooner, could we have had a few more great days with him? When I pressed for answers for his increasing pica, it always came back to me needing more preventions because some dogs were just like this. I felt like a crappy pet owner this past year with our multiple foreign body surgeries and trips to the e-vet. I was *this* close to ordering him a scary muzzle to wear at home. The tape measure I bought to take the measurements of his head sits unopened on my kitchen counter. I don't know what to do with it now. So it sits there reminding me that I miss my dog.
More than missing him, I feel robbed. While Max was technically classified as a senior, he didn't act it and he didn't show any signs of slowing down. I always thought Bellona would be the first to break my heart. I had no time to prepare for my dog to die and the hole it would leave in my heart. I didn't get the opportunity to take him home and spoil him rotten one last time. It's not fair and it hurts. Especially when earlier this week I forgot and went to wake Max for one last potty break before bed before remembering he's gone...